I never realized well maybe i didn't want to

But there's always times in my day where i might stare myself in the eyes. Like i look deep.

They say " The eyes are the doors to the soul" so i guess i'm trying to look into my own soul. However for some reason. i look like i was crying/am about to cry and this saddened me Deeply.

When did this happen to me? when did i become such an apathetic and simply formless person? when did i lose all this motivation in my life and to live. This is terrible.